Teenage Love

A man, sitting on  the bar of a pub, drunk. Well... more pished, to be accurate. He starts talking either to himself or under the illusion someone gives a damn about his feelings. Moving a cigarette around, in an intricate hand-cigarette choreography; the cigarette either never smoked or infinite. He orrates with impressively clear intonation, for a drunkard,  his confused syllabus, to a mentally absent audience (as if to fully simulate a school-class).

"Teenage love.

Were the fuck did she go, am I right?

You remember teenage love! (He points to a random someone who is ignorant of the priviledge, watching the match on a gargantuan television aproximating the size of my dick.*) Dontcha? Ya fuck! Hahahahahahaha, (he spits with untainted bliss), Yeah..., I'm talking to you (Different person, now. I think he forgot his first and most loyal fan from the previous sentence.) You remember teenage love. When I say teenage I don't mean necessarily the kiddies, I mean  teenage, like, when your soul is young, you know? People stop being teenagers at different ages, you know what I mean. You remember! You must remember! Teenage love, when your mind was young! When all the feelings you felt were: WOAH!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!! (Some people turn round, giving him annoyed looks of disgust, he cheerfully chooses not to see that.) 

When all your feelings were so fucking big, it was either you were the only human being that has ever loved in this Earth or that the world was too small for your fucking important feelings! Right? You remember that! It was crazy right !? Not like when you're older, like when you're wiser and stuff, everything is like...you know....cooler......more mellow... even the big ones they're like , ok...that's ok...like... I know this.... I've done this before... I'm not gonna repeatedly bang my FUCKING HEAD against the bloody car window, I'm not an IDIOT, right? Well, yeah... it's easier , like? It's... bearable, it leaves you space to exist, the feeling I mean. But nah... teenage love was NOT like that. Hahahahaha! Not like that at all ,my friend! Oh cummon! You must remember teenage love. You remember teenage love! It was all like: « I love you forever and ever and ever and ever, and you are the pillar of creation, so humankind should stop reproducing because you obviously are the best we can do, so yeah (yelling) we're DONE here PEOPLE, please give us the check beacause we're fucking leaving, humanity has reached its fucking goals! » Hahahaha! Yeah, you remember it now, don't you ,ya fucker! You know, like, the way you fell for her or him when you were young! It was all: « I love ya, I love ya , I love ya, I love ya, oh please, do me the fucking honour to cut off my middle fucking finger to stir your coffee with, because the kitchen is too far away, and I know you like your coffee when it's very hot, we wouldn't want it to get lukewarm until we can bring you an actual fucking spoon now, WOULD WE?»

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh cummooon! Teenage love, ya know? Teenage fucking love, OH MAN, that was really shite , wasn't it??? Hahahahahahahaha! You remember what it was like ,don't ya, brother?? Before you got older. Before you got wiser. Nature knows best , man! It does! It does! (staccato, rythmic) Mother FUCKING nature knows very FUCKING well, she does, tho, she knows, VERY FUCKING WELL now, she knows, that if you continue to exist like that, if you continue to have these feelings the size of a planet; that humongous emotional weight on a human heart, man, no way, man. Mommy-dearest-nature knows, man, she does, bra, she does, she knows that if you continue to feel like that you're fucking gone man. YOU. FUCKING. DIE. If your feelings are too fucking big for your tiny pathetic youthfull body and they keep accumulating over the years, you FUCKING EXPLODE man! You don't believe me? Well it's true!! You know why? Because mommy-fucking-nature knows best. She fucking does! You remember teenage love! When you were all like: « I FUCKING LOVE YOU, I FUCKING LOVE YOU, I FUCKING LOVE YOU, I FUCKING LOVE YOU, FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND I WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO FROM THE AFTERLIFE» and all like: « I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH there is nothing that could happen in the utterly unpredictable history of humanity to ever subtract one molecule of my biologically and metaphysically infinite quantity of love for ya!» You know. Teenage fucking love, bro. Teenage fucking love. Teenage fucking love. When it was all like: « I love you, I love you, I love you, look! I will PROVE IT TO YA! I will fucking cut off my fucking dick because I want you to have it!No! (he screams hysterically)NO!! You don't even have to tell me to do it! LOOK! (he starts sobbing uncontrollably) I already fucking did it! Look! Take it! I don't want it, it's yours now, because everything I am is yours and I love you, I love you, I love you....ssssshit!.  Oh, I'm bleeding! LOOK! My blood is painting me wi' the colour o' love!... I think we should call an ambulance... Do you have a towel? Sshit, I'm getting dizzy...» You remember teenage love, boy! Everyone remembers, don't they boy! You can't forget teenage love can you, now? Well there's a fucking reason for that, isn't there? It's called learnin a fucking lesson, isn't it? So you don't act like a FUCKING IDIOT again, isn't it? Hahahahahahahahaha! That's a good fucking reason there for ya, cheersman! (he drinks form his glass). You remember teenage love, don't ya , ya tosser! Hahahahahahahaha!! I know you do. I know. He knows you do. We aaall know! You FFUCK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You remember teenage love. When it was all like: (he mockingly effeminates his voice)  « Oh dear! Look at this precious boogery tissue of my love, I must preserve this sacred medalion as a family hairloom for the rest of my lineage! I wander if the boogers on it are still warm so I can lick them as I finger meself....» You remember teenage love! And what does falling in love goes hand in hand with when it's BIG?..............BINGO, boy! Jealousy!!! Yeah... JELLO-fuckin-SEA! Hahahahahaha!The old green slimmy sea of bitter jello, innit? (satanically, slower tempo) Oh you remember that feeling don't ya? Oh you remember the burning, chemical, feeling of jealousy in your stomach, on your thoracic diafragm on your fucking youthfull soul when you've fallen in love don't ya? Like drinking a smoothie of nuclear waste, wasn't it, hahahahahahahaha!!!! When love was all like: (he non-mockingly effeminates his voice) «I love you, I love you, I love you, I love- ... Did she touch his arm? Did she FUCKING. TOUCH. HIS. FUCKING. ARM, LIKE? Oh, so now I have to..kill her. Yeah... But... how? I know I have to kill her because she touched his arm. She shouldn't have done that. She must obviously be an idiot and it is my holy duty to rid this world of her unworthy existence. But how should I do it? That is truly a very difficult decision. Should I just go there and gouge her eyes with my fingers and then wiggle them inside her brain? Hmmm... or I could eat her alive... Like, just go over there and just gnaw pieces of her very quickly until she is consumed. Of course then I will throw her up...obviously! I don't want to be contaminated. Or I could cut off her arm... the one that touched him, I could cut it off with my hands...yeah just rip it off, just go there right now and rip it off and then beat her to death with it... use it like a bat. Yeah... I am going over there to do that now...Yeah...» Oh that green, slimmy, bastard jealousy can fuck you up pretty bad, can't she? HahahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Teenage love man. Can't forget that ,man! Can't really... I mean... ,trully, you know, remember it either. THANK FUCK, right? Hahahahahahahahaha!!!! RIGHT? Yeah... (he rearranges his balls). Well, you can not get the hots for some special-fuckin-one  like they did in the old-fucking-teenage-love-days, right? No bloody way, bro! When was the last time you shagged someone so much you bled from all yer entrances, love? Loong fucking time ago, wasn't it? Ey? It's not true teenage love if you're not both bleeding after it , well is it?  There's nothin that can compare to teenagelovelust, that is bloody well fucking true! You cheecky cunt; hahahhahaha!!!! I do believe you recall those old teenagelovedays when your mouth would be numb and your lips would be swallenpurple  for ages after a relentless sucking-off marathon! Hahahahahahahahaha! Nothing like it, truely true. Hahahahahahahaha! Truely true. Truely true. But teenage love is no' all fun and games!! Don't you be mistaken, we've been over this ,bra! TEENAGE LOVE ,MAN! Remember? Ey? Remember the teenage love? Talk. about. a bloody. heartbreak!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Teenage-love pain , man , OOOOHH; ssssssssss, you remember, you remember! 
Like millions 
            of reeking
                          gigantic
                                    Orcs
            stabbing your poor, 
       defenseless, 
    tender,
teenage heart with their ungodly daggers
in loop
, right? 
OH that was ABYSMAL , MAN? Yeah... That was fucking ABYSMAL. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It was. It was. You remember teenage love.  You remember teenage love ,man! Fucking bollocks it was! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!....."

He downed his whiskey, finished his infinity-cigarette, got off his stool in front of the bar, drew a gun from his coat, and blew his brains out in front of the oblivious patrons of the pub. Hearing the gunshot, people did turn around.

* I'm sorry.