"UGH! YOU D'ONT UNDERSTAND MY MUSAC!!! X3 "

[to be read with an intensely effeminate, urban, American, teenage boy- voice that is ,like, totally full of himself and also pronounces "s"s a tiny bit ssstrongly but they are also thin "s"s, basically snake-like "s"s, also, he is a cool dude and has read alot of poetry during school hours and when he's at home he writes a lot, mostly garbage, but he is still young, so we'll see]




When you want to die,
it's 
     ,like,

     you know how it feels to be  a killer, a murderer.
You have spent hours upon hours upon hours fantasizing about the death of at least one person
- yourself.
You know what it's like to hate,
to loath,
to despise,
a person.
You have envisioned, clear as the day, their torture, their demise.
You have seen them die 

,again and again and again and again in your mental VHS:

slit throat with a box cutter, mashed on a pavement limbs scattered, hit-by-a-car-broken-knees, run by a train cut in half, massed into peaces on a passenger seat in a car accident, pedestrian hit and run, crashed bone, pulped skull,you have seen their brain's white matter spilled, scattered, sprayed, dripping, pool creating, blood everywhere or in one place, expanding as a carpet stain,(like the Universe- Life tends to want to scatter, guess she is a loner), chopped to steaks, burned with gasoline,shot by a cop, stabbed in the face by a crazy dude, beaten to death by fascists, executed by the State because of religion/sexuality/political beliefs, hanged by a rope, strangled, gassed in a mask-in a car- in a Camp,shot in the heart in a war, seppukud in the gut with a ritual Tachi, vomiting pills,off a subway platform, off a school’s roof-terrace, off a hill ( sweet idiots they are, they call them "mountains" in Wales)

You know what it's like to wish
and wish
and wish
and
wish
upon,
a star
of someone's death.

And this knowledge,
is what suicidal people and serial killers have in common.